Girls Weekend and reality check

I have so many things going on in my head! Topics I keep thinking about are IDENTITY, MARRIAGE, FRIENDSHIPS, AND LIFESTYLE. This past weekend I got together with girlfriends from LA, Chicago, Kansas City, and myself from ND. We facetime and google chatted our friends from NY and TX. We are spread all over this great country and have been removed from each other directly for like 7 years or so! Yet the minute we were in one another's company we were kindred spirits. There were no guards, no fences, no off-limits. It was open, honest, loving, genuine, and vulnerable. Our common denominator that brought us all together was a small liberal arts bible college in a community none of us were from! We are like minded woman in being real and having a relationship with God that doesn't fit the norm but is honest, maintained, and genuine. Quite honestly just takes my breath away at how God can bring together people that are not likely candidates on paper per say.

IDENTITY- what is your identity? Is it your family, your culture, your education, your career, your economic status, your keeping up with the Jones? Where do you find your identity, not others where do YOU find it? What if it is taken away. How can you develop your identity not by what you do but by who you are?

MARRIAGE- when do you speak up? when do you keep quiet? when is it appropriate to be selfish? when is it time to sacrifice? how do you maintain a healthy sex life? how do 2 people manage money together? how do 2 people stay on the same page and down the same path? When do you draw lines? when do you make ultimatums? how can communication be open and maintained when the circumstances are hard and less than desirable? when do you call it quits? how far do you go to make it work?

FRIENDSHIP- this was the biggest eye opener for me. This one I didn't question as much as I realized what I was missing and searching for. Everyone says life is too busy, get used to it. NO I WILL NOT! I had a weekend with girls that have families and careers and are in masters programs and we found time regardless of busy. It was a priority, not convenient, and not easy. BUT SO WORTH IT! We talked and talked and shared our stories, our ideas, or visions, our lives openly and honestly. Good, bad, ugly, pretty, all of it! Did we make time to txt others, yes.. visit facebook, yes... check emails, yes...take phone calls (personal and work), yes.. do homework, yes. We made time for things we needed to but we filled our day with conversation not activities with distractions. I always am trying to make new friends all the time and it's great but I realized what I am looking for in my search. I desire friendships that are not competitive, are not selfish, and ARE face value, ARE honest, and driven by love and truth. Truth being to tell you if you are maybe off or give you a different perspective. Not agreeing just because of your friendship but able to say "it is not ok, but I get it or I love you anyways." I am not sure how to wrap my head around how lucky I was to find girls like that to begin with. They set a standard for me and that is what I am constantly in search of.

LIFESTYLE- realized no one can actively control your lifestyle except for oneself. We often allow others to dictate our lifestyle, but that too is our choosing. Doing nothing is a choice. I have been lazy and tricked myself into thinking that my lifestyle is this way just because that is how it works. No one can make me exercise. No one can make me eat healthy. We put limits on things and create excuses. One must be driven, creative, and flexible to experience life and have the lifestyle they are desiring.

Age

I realized my age today. My brother put on a big event for young adults. I am 33 soon to be 34. I thought I was going to help so no biggie, one of my very best friends is 21 I can totally fit, it will be fine! AwKWaRD! Yikes! I realized I do not fit. But it was a great realization. I can be a role model! I need to realize and will work on realizing how awesome it is to be in my 30s! The days of figuring out where I'm going are so minimal and behind me! Now I can speak life into young women, pray w them, encourage them, share ideas. Those young ones need us older ones not to fit with but to lean on, to respect, to develop relationships with. God help me to love young women and support them, and give them a Godly role model of a woman, wife, and mother! An awkward evening allowed me to grow as a person! Awkward is part of development!  Ha!

More building

So I have continued building my family and now building my education. I have started grad school and eating better and exercising. I think although change is always hard, it has been good. Happy home :)

What are you building?

So... My cousin posted a 3 minute little chat by Lisa Brevere and it stopped me in my tracks. I am a pleaser if you will. I love God, my husband, my kids, my parents and siblings, friends, teenagers, and my community. I'm a stay at home mom that is never home and always running. Somehow I found myself completely lost and always struggling and battling not makin anyone happy and not giving anyone my best. http://youtu.be/p7Lqg5H5Y8U

So anyways her YouTube video asked me what are you building? God has called women to build their home. Building your home means building your husband and your children. That is what stopped me in my tracks... Tris, what are you building? Seems like you are running around w no time to build anything. So...new plan! 

I have started being available. I tell my husband how much I love him, how proud I am of what he does and I pray everyday for him. I tell my kids different things I love about them and what makes them special to me and take time to pray w them. I also try to continue to help my dad and mom at the ranch. I have started trying to communicate randomly with friends to let them know I care and they are special to me also.

2013 a new year of what?

As this new year has begun i am feeling incredibly heavy hearted. I am not sure what to do with all the junk in my head. I started a new business which i am incredibly excited about. my husband bought i new motorcycle that he keeps saying is for both of us but i have zero excitement about it or the investment. I started the year out 435$ in the red and a motorcycle for 21,000$ something about that sounds incredibly ridiculous! there have been deaths affecting my friends.. a grandma, a young high school boy (17), and a young man(22). Seems like an incredibly sad way to start 2013. I cant get my head out of the negative of it all. I am not sure where to go with all of this. my youth group is meeting back up on Sunday... there has been so much drama with that I am losing my momentum. I am about 34 pounds overweight and when i think about doing something about it i get incredibly hungry. ironic isnt it. i think i have an obsessive mind and i cant get it stuck on things it should be... how do i get out of this darkness in my self... how do i move forward with a good attitude when i feel like crawling under a blanket and not moving period. yes i know God is the answer. i know but how what do I do? where do i begin? how do i move on and move forward? describe me in this moment---- weak, blurry, sad, discouraged, heavy, lame, lacking, stuck, broken