Be the parent.

I spent the night dreaming about my son, his classmates, rumors and trying to fix it and find truth. I woke up sorting through my dream. Even in my dream I got on my knees and prayed that God would lift this heavy burden from me because it is out of my hands.

Showering is my quiet think time. As I was getting ready for the day I had a realization. "Be the parent." I have had this said to me several times along with the following. "Who's the parent or you are the parent." Bam, there is the answer, that is the root of my struggle with anger over the last 3 weeks. I made a decision as a parent that now has several life changing consequences attached to it. My son asked for a sleepover. I said no. Against my better judgement, I allowed the sleepover. I let my 14 year old convince me that it was fine and would be fine. He is a child, I am his parent for a reason. My anger is from my personal struggle with boundaries, being decisive and going against my own better judgement.
As a parent we all learn as we go. Unfortunately I am one of those hard learners. I learn everything the hard way and sometimes even then I don't learn. Is this accurate or mind blowing, probably not. It is for me however enlightening. I feel like at least now I realize where the anger and fits of rage are coming from. We have freedom to choose but we do not have freedom from consequences. Life is all about loving, learning and living. I love my sons and my daughter. Lord help me to be diligent in trusting my judgement as a parent and being ok with choices they don't always like. May my yay be yay and my nay be nay.